There is a giant mountain in the center of my life. I’ve created it. Not a pleasant, beautiful mountain that you would see in the High Desert. But a dark and scary one. A terrible mountain that haunts me.
It was a little over 3 years ago that this mass was nothing more than a single stone. With a resounding “thud,” I dropped the first stone very purposefully at the epicenter of my calling. Slowly I added to the pile until it became like second nature to casually toss away every stone I had in my sack. I remember a time that I could dance around this small rock pile with ease and pleasure, knowing I could scoop it up the moment I felt the need. It is now a massive pile of excuses that sits atop the platform of my purpose.
Every road I take in life,leads me back to this sturdy pile. I try to do my best to carve other routes to happiness. However, nothing leads me to anything as truly fulfilling as the freedom of movement within the arena in which I was made to move.
Last night, my purpose beckoned me. Not sure why, but I gave into the gravity of its pull…I allowed myself to heave into the natural draw that ushers me closer and closer to true delight. I was hoping not to run into the dreaded mountain, hoping it would have just disintegrated into the ground. However, with the first invigorating breathe, my reality (drunken with denial) was sobered. And the sight of the great mount flooded all my vision, and a deep sting began to rise up within me, reminding me of the gaping hole that is present in the core of my existence. Immediately a cold, hard, THICK wall of defense shot up, blinding my wet eyes. It acted like anesthesia, but was soon ineffective: a wall throbbing with bitterness and regret. Again, the revelation of the great mount cut through my fluttering eye lids. All I could do was churn and rage as I stood limp before my doom.
This stumbling block has got my finger prints all over it.
I can’t keep adding weight to the pile that suffocates my joy. I can’t keep doing this. Every road I take in life will always lead me here: This is my calling. This is what I was made to do. This is my avenue to The Source.
I’ve got to tear this immovable, rigid catastrophe down one stone at a time.
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